WHAT HURTS
What hurts me is that it hurts them,
those who love me.
Incarceration is a lot of things,
but I can shut myself off from all but the boredom
and constant frustration.
Reduced to just this, incarceration is manageable,
difficult sometimes, but so is life on the outside.
Incarceration doesn’t hurt me,
it hurts them,
those who love me.
I can hear it when I speak to them.
Thirty minute phone calls
recorded and subject to monitoring.
Our conversations are limited.
They tell me they miss me,
that they want me home.
Walk the straight and narrow.
Don’t lose your good time,
just come home.
I did lose my good time though.
Incarceration doesn’t hurt me,
it hurts them,
those who love me.
I begin to think that I won’t be selfish,
inconsiderate.
I hear the pain in their voices,
I shut myself off from it.
I’m eager to end the call now,
wish the automated voice would hurry and say,
”One minute remaining.”
It can’t come soon enough.
I don’t want to know that they’re hurting.
Maybe they care more about me
then I do about them.
This thought hurts me.
I try to shut myself off from it,
But I can’t.
So maybe incarceration does hurt me,
maybe. | ZJ