I find it challenging to write something down that may aid you not making the same mistakes I made. It’s not that I don’t have guidance I believe to be useful, it’s because of the likelihood you brush it aside. Yet, I believe I must try to impart some of my experience into words that may reach into your very soul, which eventually will become mine.
Recall what you’re running away from and why. Recall your original ethics and morals you feel deep down within your very being — your very essence of life. Recall how you felt when you crossed boundaries you’ve placed — and how you justified, minimized, and rationalized those decisions. Recall who you are meant to be.
Innately you are good. Every fiber of your soul yearns to achieve a sense of belonging, of community … of true love. Realize this will come early in your adult life. You will received the most precious of gifts from above. Cherish what is given and genuinely work hard to keep it. Constantly reflect on your blessings show your gratitude.
You will go through many trials. Some you will be prepared for, others you will not. Some will be unfair and unkind, even harsh. Yet, you will experience these trials because there is something to learn. Remember, in all that happens, there is good that will come out of it. You will need to figure out want that good is. And, When you do release your anger, hurt, pain, and shame, practice forgiveness above all as this will aid in becoming the image you hold of yourself within.
As you travel along your path, you will become lost. You will find yourself in dark places — places that you never knew existed or thought you’d be in. It’s okay, though. These moments will become defining; they will reshape the core of you. And that is what must happen. Unfortunately, there is no other way for you to learn the lessons you must in order for you to understand your purpose and to figure out your vision. And, when you do you will experience a deeper sense of self than you ever had before. You will start to awaken from your nightmare and see the new path that lays ahead. Take it with determination. Take it intentionally. For there you will find genuine authenticity, humility, and integrity — three core values, I hold dear.
One last thought, you will at some point in your life believe you’ve lost everything and the only way out is by taking your life. You will have these thoughts, you will believe yourself to be worthless and you don’t deserve to live. There is validity in these thoughts. Remember though, you are a survivor. You have beautiful qualities buried deep inside that will be revealed. You will know what it means to have friends who will not leave your side despite the secrets and ugliness, the harm and trauma inflicted on others, and the pain and suffering you’ll experience. Open yourself and invite them in.
There is nothing more complete than a broken heart. And there is nothing more beautiful than a heart mended with gold — mercy, grace, and loving kindness.
Shalom,
Albert