WRITING FROM THE SHADOWS, part 2

BY TRACY SCHLAPP

Last week’s snowstorm arrived 24 hours behind schedule. Oregonians expect an inch of snow to shut down major urban areas for a day or two until mild temperatures bring back the rain and we have a slushy mess for a day. This week has been the exception — high winds knocking out power and taking down massive trees, snow, temperatures in the teens, followed by an ice storm (which just returned!) It has been devastating for many families who have yet to recover. Deep down, Pacific Northwesterners prefer a diet of steady drizzle served with regular caffeine boosts.

We are concerned about the folks inside. Oregon State Penitentiary was built in Salem one hundred and fifty-eight years ago, which is to say that it lacks the comfort of the modern buildings in other parts of the state. Bridgeworks Oregon Board member, Kyle Hedquist who served time at OSP and was the founder for our writing project described the heating system: “Steam lines run through some cell blocks, and there is central heating duct system which keeps the upper four and five bars warm, but one bar and two bar will be cold because the buildings are just too tall to handle that kind of airflow. I used to layer long johns, jeans, all my shirts, and go to bed with my coat on and two hats which (by the way) is illegal cause you’re only allowed to have one hat.” Along with the cold, there is a loss of activities, visitation, and tremendous pressure is put on staff. A snow day in prison is more than an inconvenience. 

Prison extremes are not limited to cold or hot. The polar conditions of life inside form or reform one’s viewpoint. It is a place of extreme emotions, stress, loneliness. It can also be a place of deep internal work, healing, growth, and forgiveness. In our group, we tend to focus on the places where we encourage one another to cultivate hope, growth, write a path forward. Not every person is on that same path — perhaps it is more precise to say that not everyone is ready for a path forward. How might that play out? A disagreement can become a situation — can become an incident. This very explosive nature of the environment may require disciplinary action, such as isolating a person to protect the group. More likely, that disagreement deescalates, and life moves along. The contradictions that live side by side, are difficult for all who live, work, or volunteer in this environment to reconcile. Strict rules and discipline are applied. And at the same time, judgement lives in a shadow space of nuanced thinking. We have a recipe of rules meets factors, meet the fallibility of humans. Complicated.

Both of this week’s shadow writings come from dark perspectives. Comrade Candle is a Nihilist and a student of Nietzsche; her piece is aptly named Leave Nothing Behind. Albert Wright discusses suicidal ideation in his work Zen Project. This piece underscores the cyclical nature of mental health struggles and calls to mind the importance of providing support for someone struggling with an emotional crisis. The National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline can be reached by dialing/texting 988. To hear a carefully considered conversation about living with suicidal ideation, we recommend an episode of  Fresh Air where Terri Gross interviews philosophy professor Clancy Martin who wrote the book How Not to Kill Yourself, for people struggling with suicidal thoughts.

I look out my window at the branches that thawed this morning only to be ice-covered again this evening. Despite the disruption, the hardship, I see the beauty of the branches with their tiny icy January flowers. Glistening. We appreciate warmth when we come in from the cold. After 28 years inside, Kyle Hedquist’s sentence was commuted by Governor Kate Brown. He now works as a lobbyist to impact legislation to improve the lives of the incarcerated. Even when he was serving life without parole, Kyle exemplified a life written forward. He wrote the piece Life Prevails for our anthology Prisons Have A Long Memory. It feels like a counterbalance to this January freeze. |  TDS