THE GIFT OF DARKNESS

BY LE'VAR HOWARD

I have become so comfortable in my darkness. This is the place where I’m truly alone with the common truth — that life is temporary, that the path is hidden and you may shift. I do believe in my definition of darkness: the place where the eye does not see, the place that separates the person from people, where you can totally connect and reflect with self.

I love this place, more than the space of community.

In darkness, I’ve learned my actions, my reasoning, my emotions, my breathing, my urges, desires, the differences between wants, lusts, loves and needs. In the darkness, I’ve learned to respect the space of others. In the darkness, I met myself and confronted my devil, my demons, and regained my will to live, to let go, to create light.

I believe in darkness.

I found the purpose to create light. My music is the heartbeat of my light. A gift from the dark, without the solitude an isolated space. I cannot focus to bring the sounds. I connect together. I cannot hear them as clearly. I can create no work to be brought to light without darkness. In the dark, I have found and refound harmony. | LH

LE’VAR HOWARD IS A PORTLAND, OREGON NATIVE. MOST OF HIS FAMILY COMES FROM GULF PORT, MISSISSIPPI, ATLANTA, TEXAS, AND OKLAHOMA. LE’VAR IS A FOUNDING MEMBER OF THE PONYXPRESS WRITING GROUP. HE TRACES INFLUENCES ON HIS WRITING TO HIS AFRICAN-AMERICAN HERITAGE.