STAY WITH ME
Five weeks went by and I knew something was wrong, but I was only eight-years-old and not
emotionally strong. The looks on their faces said it was bad, never in my life have I felt so sad.
Go with the nurse and have a talk, why doesn’t my dad take me for a walk?
I sat with a stranger in a room I cannot forget, she told me my brother was dying that day and that was it.
Confusion sat in as my brain shut down, I just want to take him and run back to our hometown.
Questions and concerns before we came on this trip, now my greatest fears have my mind twisted, and I can’t get a grip.
They always said, “God’s love will protect him, you’ll see,” and now God’s plan is to take him from me?
Stand by me, stay with me. Oh Lord, please don’t take my brother from me.
I’m not ready for him to go, why does this time seem to move so slow?
His heart was supposed to be healed and we would be well on our way,
what do you mean we will never again get to play?
He is too young and needing to live, for all I want now is my life to give.
Please take me, for this loss I cannot bear, and I cannot handle all those who are sad while they stare.
He’s more than my brother, he’s my reason to thrive, what will I do if he is no longer alive?
A presence entered my soul and I discovered, I may die of a broken heart, knowing I’ll never be fully recovered.
Reunited with my family confirmed my fear, as I was about to lose the only thing I held dear.
He is only seven-years-old, please don’t take him from me. We can have a good life, please save him and you’ll see.
But God stepped in with a plan I could not accept, as I held his hand while I wept.
He took part of me as he headed to heaven, and I became an addict by the time I turned eleven.
Years of pain, grief, suffering I knew. All along wishing it had been me and not you. The drugs could
never numb the void I felt, after all this was the hand in life I was dealt. Three beautiful kids and I still
could not recover, now I blame myself for failing as a mother.
Thirty-six years later as I sit in a cell, trying to figure out how to escape this dehumanizing hell.
My demons run deep and the monster is real, how long will it take before my life it will steal?
Left with only me who I never wanted to face, oh God how did I live without ever feeling your eternal grace?
Isolated in a place I needed to be, as I was blind but now, I can finally see.
Forgiving myself is the only way I will survive, ready to live and longing to thrive.
Recovery is my new way of life, teaching me lessons in overcoming strife.
Sobriety coupled with steps and support, who’d ever thought this would be in my life’s report?
Feelings to share as I let go of remorse, knowing in my heart I am on the right course.
Being the mother, my kids deserve, is now a role I am ready to serve. | ME
