SHARING THIS DREAM
"My uncle was a strange man," says a young black woman with the most beautiful eyes. Holding back tears she continues, "In loving us he gave us his all and in teaching us to live our best life, he was truly powerful. He kept his eyes on the prize. Some thought he was crazy and indeed he was…" she says with laughter, "In living for a greater purpose, he was a genius." As she looks at my open casket, she lets the tears fall and ends her eulogy, “I will miss him dearly, R.I.P Uncle Q.”
One by one, friends and relatives rise up to say something good about me. Some said I was a guru, some even told white lies, a few said I had the soul of a prophet. They told jokes, they told crazy stories, and each moment brought the people to a remembrance of my crazy life. No one knew I was right there watching them — like a movie. No one knew I wished to speak to them at my own funeral and tell them the soul is birthless, deathless, and semi-divine.
After the song Amazing Grace was sung, my 79-year-old mother rose to speak. People watch her closely as she walks down the aisle, dressed to impress everyone around her. She stands at the podium and the room is silent. She says, "When my son went to prison, he broke my heart and brought shame on the whole family. I thought I raised a leader, but it turned out I raised a coward and a murderer."
Seeing the shock on people’s faces she goes on, "I mourned for myself, I mourned for the victim's family. My son, let me down. No grandkids, no more seeing his goofy smile or seeing him graduate from college. For the life of me I couldn't understand the crazy ways of this peculiar son of mine. I blamed the drugs; I blamed his friends and the women he loved. I had hopes of him becoming a doctor, a lawyer, a minister of God but he gave his life to the devil and his reward was 27 years to life."
"I wanted to turn my back on him, but I couldn't. Who can understand a mother's unconditional love? Who can understand a mother's pain? Nevertheless, I realized I had to be strong for those I love." She pauses letting the truth sink in, truth that hurts. "Then I begin to see in every visit that while I was feeling sorry for my son, he wasn't feeling sorry for himself. He grew in wisdom; he grew in strength and purposefulness. In every visit he would look me in the eyes and say stay strong Mama, through it all. One day I will make you proud. I realized like the story of Joseph what the devil meant for evil, God meant for good. God had a plan for this strange son of mine, and it was my job to minister to his soul."
"He got out of prison in 2032 and for seven years he loved us with all he had. People begin to see in him what I always wished him to be: a leader and not a coward, a prophet at living his best life."
After hearing my mother speak, I woke up and realized it was all a dream. I witnessed my own funeral, and it changed my life forever. Life to me is no more about having fun under the summer sun. I will no longer waste a single second on planet earth. Thoughts of my mortality will be my best friend in life. From now on its family over everything. I am a man on a mission. I am the master of my soul and I will enter the world of my ancestors as a legend.
Instead of complaining how hard prison is I will use my time wisely and transform my cell into a laboratory for the spirit of transformation. From now on and forever I will live with iron discipline. I have one life to live, I will live it to the fullest — so help me God.
I write this with tears rolling down my face. I hurt a lot of people coming to prison. I let a lot of people down. I took a man's life for no reason and plead guilty, except for insanity. The only way I can live a beautiful life is to live for a cause greater than self. I am on a hero's journey of finding out who I am and my destiny.
We are all on a hero's journey, but this doesn't mean we will succeed at reaching our destination of becoming a living legend in our time. However, we can succeed at outgrowing selfish tendencies and loving our people with all we got. What gives me hope? It is knowing we are all we got, and it is knowing we all are living to die. No matter what we've done in the past we still find new ways to live a meaningful life.
Will the people around us understand our crazy ambition, our drive to succeed, our mission, our personalized hero’s journey? Will they understand our soul crying out to experience the higher joys of life and freedom of heart and mind? Probably not.
To live every day is like attending our own funeral and then discovering it is just a dream. Will we sleepwalk through life and find out that we never truly lived? With a moral compass pointed straight forward, let us move on the path of our higher destiny without turning to the left or right. Keep marching on strong to the silent cadence of time. While marching ask yourself: Am I living my best life?
If we make solid friends along the way this is good. If we don't lose faith that we are born for greatness that is even better. I pray for forgiveness through the way I live my life. I hope my friends and family say great things about me at my funeral. I hope to love them with all I got in prison (or free) that is my legacy, that is my honor, they are my life. I don't want to die but I know one day my soul will say it's finished and the prophecy of attending my own funeral will come true. When I take my last breath, I hope it's with a look of fearlessness in my eyes. I also hope people will visit my gravesite and see etched on my tombstone: "He came, he saw and conquered his inner demons." Last and far from least, I hope you read these words and they inspire you to write the book of your powerful legacy with the pen of revolutionary action. Be a living legend of your time and share with others your dream. | QLH
QUENTIN LEE HARRIS WAS RAISED IN CORVALLIS AND SALEM, OREGON. WRITING IS HIS THERAPIST, COUNSELOR,GURU, BEST FRIEND. IT HAS TAUGHT HIM HOW TO HEAL.
I love this piece, really allowed me to reflect, and analyze myself in a new way!