ROPE: EVERGREEN CROSSROADS
BY REGINA BAKER
EDITOR’S NOTE: This piece contains difficult subject matter.
Curled up against the rough pattern of the tree’s bark, my tears flowed, unrestrained. They poured from my fragile soul. Boundless thoughts rushed desperately in my head: Why was I still here? I had deliberately sought an escape from the dark reality of my world. My death would be pleasing to the loved ones of my victim. I would no longer be a burden or embarrassment. I would become a distant memory — and then, forgotten forever.
Under that tree, I traveled every junction of the past two years. I relived the directional changes that destroyed many lives and ultimately took the life of a beautiful soul. All of this happened because of me, and the road I chose. I rested in self-hatred, clinging to a space filled with verbal assaults. I made myself comfortable. And now my body was too weak to move from this place in the wilderness.
The overhead branches held me close, a broken person crying and hurting. With limbs large, strong, and flowing, the tree gently embraced me. Looking up to the light bouncing off the needles with a sparkling beauty, I saw that they glittered like a million diamonds. I saw the majestic, and started to feel a sense of calming peace. A message pressed on my heart. I need you here. With tear-filled eyes, I looked to the heavens and felt the Holy Spirit guiding me. I have work that must be done. I got to my knees and prayed with conviction. I released the pain, the hurt, the guilt. I promise my presence always. At the crossroads, under the stillness and the quiet of the large, beautiful tree, I found refuge.
Under the tree, my soul felt renewed with grace, mercy, and righteousness. I received this gift from God and I understood that I am forgiven, and I am loved. Surrounded by God’s grace, the battle for my life, my chains were broken, and love of Jesus led me to victory.
THREE MONTHS LATER
I approach new crossroads with a spirit that radiates through me. I lean into the Lord and allow the Holy Spirit to guide me. As I enter the valleys of my life, my Lord is always with me. I never walk alone. I emerge with a renewed abundance of gratitude, peace, and love that I will take with me through the wilderness. Under the evergreen, you will find me. | RB