PRISON IS NOT REAL LIFE
PRISON IS NOT REAL LIFE
BY HANNAH BROPHY
To quote Joni Mitchell, “You don't know what you've got, ‘til it’s gone.” Which is true. Prison highlights that sentiment for every AIC with the loss of friends, family, reputation, financial stability, and dignity. But the reverse is also just as true. Some of us simply stay too long at the party.
We remain in toxic relationships, convincing ourselves that we can make it work. We can change enough to make an abusive spouse stop being abusive. We tell ourselves it is more important for our children to have a two-parent upbringing than to suffer the poverty and lack of supervision of a single parent home.
We stay in jobs which do not fit because being unemployed is insupportable and because our imagination is so limited that we can't envision another position not having the same problems. Better we should stay with the devil we know. Being unable to figure out when to leave is as bad as undervaluing what we have and believing in the myth of greener pastures.
This week I quit a job I liked. For me, I'd become so invested that I lost perspective.
Prison is not real life.
It is not up to me to make a program here work. Nothing is ever going to function smoothly because every minute of the day, one must deal with the onerous rules of the DOC and their interpretation by random guards, some of whom have an ax to grind.
During this time, I interviewed for another job which was possibility the worse job interview I've ever had. And it was all my fault. All I did was grouse. While it amused the interviewer, nobody in their right mind should have hired me as a result of my performance. (That is not to say, I won't get the job. I might, but only because — Prison is not real life).
I have frequently said the most difficult thing about Prison is the inability to distinguish between fact and fiction. Finding out the truth of a situation when your only source of verification is gossip creates problems. By the time the Inmate Rumor System (the IRS) has made the rounds, the story has changed substantially from the time it was first whispered. Usually only one side of the story is available. When it reaches your ears, the story has been massaged to the point that the teller is definitely the protagonist. While in real life, the chances of her being the antagonist have a larger percentage of being the correct answer. Sometimes she changes her role through omission of facts or details, but a more likely explanation is that the teller does not want to admit her participation.
To paraphrase Gandalf, “Every good story deserves to be enhanced.” So, it becomes simply a more entertaining way to tell the tale or to cover up one’s past deeds.
Prison makes me tired. I spend too much energy attempting to stay out of the muck and mire. When I fail to paddle hard enough and I am sucked into the undertow, I spiral down into depression.
But, hey, I'm in Prison, where I have DOC issued health care. | HB