Chris,
Your life is not ruined, everybody makes mistakes. All mistakes are forgivable. Even the ones we have to forgive ourselves for period to count yourself out before you even really start is to give power to yourself pity. Today is a new day everything is possible. Note, if one is aware, then one has power period to say no, to want to say no, is to say you want more from yourself than you are allowing yourself. This is where all great journeys of self-discovery and enlightenment start. Chris, you have the right to be happy. Chris, you have the right to be healthy. Chris, you have the right to find what you are looking for. Chris, you have the right to find joy and peace. You can do this in honorable ways. You only need to give yourself permission to see the beauty you possess in your story and stop feeling sorry for yourself. One of my brothers, a wise man, he says we are the author of our own stories. He means life is hard and it's supposed to be. The ups and downs, the scrapes and bruises, they teach us strength and wisdom. We can choose to be champions of life or victims of it. You see a path of destruction behind you, maybe you think that's your only option forward. But maybe if you stand sideways or even upside down, you might see a new perspective. Use your past to help others that are on the same destructive path. You now possess insight to teach or mentor others. They can say “conflict produced growth” maybe you can help yourself by helping others. Your voice will have experience in its words. Therefore, you can say no to the destruction for yourself! The only question left is, will you? Good luck on your journey young warrior. | MS