For most of my life, I've looked in the mirror and I didn't like what I’ve seen. For most of my life, I was taught hatred. I was taught to hate myself. I was taught to hate the kid next door. I was taught to hate the cop; taught to hate my teachers; taught to hate the system. For most of my life, I've been submerged into this idea of hatred. And for most of my life, I had no clue, no understanding, no connection to another idea called love. All these years of my life — 38 years of hatred, 38 years of pain, 38 years of fear — I've made a decision that I would now pursue a relationship with this idea called love. But in order to see this idea materialize, I had to first learn how to love Theron — to love myself. Because if I can love myself, then seeking love from anyone else becomes secondary. Because self-love should always be a priority in every human being.
Today, I can say I love myself. Today, I can say I can look in the mirror and see what I see and enjoy the sight of it. Today, I can say I am worthy of love. Today I can say, I indeed will love.
Often times I talk about love, and I make light about it. I joke around, but at the core I'm really serious. Because when we look inside, look outside of our world, we look globally we see all that hate that stem from that idea of destruction and pain. And this just reminds me more and more why seeking love is so important. Hatred creates division; hatred creates fear; hatred creates the unknown. It creates pain in communities.
But love? Love, creates unity; love creates hope; it creates possibilities; it creates safety. And for most of my life, I haven't felt safe. I haven't felt hopeful. I haven't felt like things would be OK.
But today, I feel hopeful. I feel like things will be OK, and I feel safe only because I know that if I was to die today, I would be OK. Because I would die with a perspective of love — rather than one of hatred. But what does that love look like? What is intimacy? What is affection? A hug from your mother; a hug from your brother, your niece, your nephew; a kiss from your wife; a playful gesture. Laughter. Even tears. It comes from a place of beauty. So I'm proud to say, that I will make it outside of this prison, and I will enter another world that I have been formed for 21 years. But the one thing that I would do is make sure that I'll continue to love myself and put love into the world to challenge to that idea of hatred.
Love we all need it, no matter where we come from. Love is the only solution to hatred. | TH
EDITOR’S NOTE: THERON HALL AND MUSICIAN AUSTIN CLARK PRODUCED THIS FREESTYLE PIECE ON LOVE DURING A RECORDING SESSION AT OREGON STATE PENITENTIARY IN NOVEMBER 2023. IN THE RECORDING, YOU WILL HEAR THE WILD GEESE THAT SURROUND THE PRISON CHIMING IN.
THERON HALL HAS BEEN INCARCERATED SINCE HE WAS 18 YEARS OLD, AND HAS BEEN SERVING LIFE WITHOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF PAROLE. HE HAS SERVED AS AN OFFICER ON MY CLUBS AT OSP. HE IS CURRENTLY THE PRESIDENT OF CAPITAL TOASTMASTERS. FOLLOW THIS LINK TO HIS PIECE DIDN’T KNOW I WAS A VICTIM PUBLISHED IN THE PRISONS HAVE A LONG MEMORY ANTHOLOGY.
ORIGINALLY FROM SOUTHERN OREGON, AUSTIN CLARK IS A MUSICIAN AND VISUAL ARTIST.
Is Austin Clark the one with the gutair, in the background? I wish I could find more of his art/music here! I don't know how Austin is involved in this poem/recording other then the music/gutair in the background. Thank You So Much for all you do! I wish I found the pony express sooner!
Beautifully said, beautifully spoken. I am moved. Thank you.