LETTER TO MY FATHER
LETTER TO MY FATHER
BY DOUGLAS DAHL, OREGON STATE PENITENTIARY
Dear Father,
We never got the opportunity to officially meet, which is unfortunate because the same blood flows through my body that flowed through yours. I have never looked up into your eyes and you have never held me, looking down into mine. That is exactly why (though I have so many ancestors to write to), I have chosen to write to you. It is time we meet.
I am currently 25 years old, and I have experienced special moments, happy moments, dark moments, lonely moments, and moments that gave me no choice but to grow up and be strong. A constant clip on replay, the curious wondering of what we had in common plays in my mind. I know we have both experienced the heart-ripping and soul-stripping experience of prison. I also know you wanted to unsign my adoption papers. You are probably asking, “How did he end up in here?” I guess, in a way, I was searching for you.
From a young age, I looked up into the stars with excitement, anticipating that one day I would meet you or Mother. Any time I saw an African American man or Native American woman in a car, I looked, helplessly wondering if they were my mother or you. In my constant navigation, watching for you and Mom, I found myself doing things that I thought you were doing, that would make you proud. Now that I am older, I see how I poisoned my mind. I figured in some weird way that it would lead me to you or Mom. However, it only led me to prison with an eight-year sentence for two robberies.
I know this is not the life that you wanted for me. I am sorry if this is a little harsh, but this is not the life I wanted either, Duane. I wanted a life with you and Mom, or a life with you, or a life with Mom. I had no control over that. I am not angry with you. I understand that I am the reason I am where I am. I take responsibility for my actions now that I know the way I was acting was wrong. I could have searched for you in so many different ways. As an adolescent, I couldn’t fully understand what I was getting myself into. Please do not feel responsible either. It is not your fault. I guess I just want you to know that I have been searching for you since day one. I have learned my lesson — from here on out, I will strive to be the man you intended me to be. | DD
FROM SOUTHERN OREGON, DOUGLAS DAHL IS HALF BLACK AND HALF NATIVE AMERICAN. WRITING HAS HELPED HIM GET THROUGH HIS HARDEST TIMES.
