It’s not failing. It’s learning. Fall but get up. Get up smarter. Some people never fall, so they think. Of course some only do comfort and familiarity. They are like a basketball in a basketball game. No matter which way they go, they believe themselves to be always making forward progress. They think everything they are doing is scoring the game winning point. Oblivious to the fact that their lives are contained within the margins of the imaginary boundaries and rules that they have placed upon themselves. “I’m just a man in a box, just a man in a box, just a man in a... BOOOOOX!!!!” — System of a Down — I love their music.
I have an apocalyptic head tattoo. My whole head sounds crazy. But it’s not. If my head were shaved, you would see the word “soak” just above my hairline. The “k” is backwards. When I was researching ideas for this piece, I found a comical read about a Fifth Horseman. “Everybody has forgotten about him, so I retired and became a milkman.” His name was Kaos. Hmmmm. That’s kind of funny, I thought to myself.
It’s easy looking back in hindsight and telling myself things I already know. Even if I could go back in time, there would be very little that I would actually want to change. Where I stand is where I was intended to be. This path that was created for me, for all of us. Created out of dust from stars. Eons and eons of creation, destruction, creation, destruction. The cycle goes on and on and on. Man is the only spec trying to keep track of its own worth and fate. As though suddenly, if man vanished, all that was before it and after it would no longer be. It’s the END OF THE WORLD!!!!
(Chaos – n. from the Greek kaos: The formless or void state preceding the creation of the Universe.)
The Universe is my teacher, eye its pupil. The lesson is always: Use your intelligence. Find balance in virtue and sin. Use it to learn, to build and Evolve.
The person I became as an adult, as a result of my perception and interpretations of the experiences I went through. The challenges I took on. The things I turned the blind eye to, or even just flat out walked away from all of the actions and reactions to those perceptions and interpretations have set me on a path. That always seems to lead me to the very place I always seem to need to be at exactly when I need to be there.
Maybe it’s not funny after all. Countless people indulging in chaos, in hopes that their universe will come to life and the void that is their existence will be worth a while. Only people aren’t aware of their own. Willing participation in the chaos of their daily lives. How easily people bend to the will of Chaos, as though they have no realization that they have penciled it in their daily schedules as though it is supposed to be there.
Who are you? Who am I? A question of utter unconference itself? A question of instability? A question of emotional ineptness? Or is this a? Question of trying to find understanding? One thing I’ve learned on my walk about on this timeline. If you are unaware and/or uninformed about yourself or the things in your life that makes you you, then you can’t change or break the septic cycles that you wish you could. Self-awareness is not the highest form of intelligence. But it should be the foundation for anyone that wishes to be more than anyone else can offer him or her.
Some days you don’t know your kaos. Some days you do. Someday you look around and your universe is beautiful. Some days you look around and you find the truth. You haven’t been paying attention. They say ignorance is bliss. But truth be told, ignorance breeds life into chaos.
In closing, who I was at the beginning of my expansion is not the same who that I am today. My teacher is the universe. Eye its pupil. The test is life. In this, I am. | MS