IT WAS ALL TOO CALCULATED
IT WAS ALL TOO CALCULATED
BY EL MALDONADO
It was all too calculated.
The way you asked me to be your girlfriend at the waterfront and the weather seemed all too perfect.
The way you showed up at the wrong place at just the right time.
The way you tried to claim me with a promise ring full of empty ones.
The way you knew not what to say but what to do to fix a situation.
The way you lied about well, EVERYTHING!
The way you downplayed your bullshit,
but all along you knew exactly what you were plotting.
And quite frankly,
it was all too calculated.
Time
Time is rough around the edges
with the worry of how to get through
and a wonder of why it came to be
you stump yourself at what,
what you could have done,
what would have been different.
If’s and maybe’s fill the gap of your thoughts ‘til you no longer can.
The overflow of anxiety to the things you can no longer change nor control.
But it’s my fault…right?
Looking back, I fell in love with a completely different person than the one
I left behind.
With everything you put me through there is just no consolation
I can find.
Does it seem small, all the damage that you’ve caused?
And here I thought we were walking in a field of flowers.
Damn, did you take me for a ride.
What I thought was the time of my life —
to think it was ours, mine.
We were supposed to be together ‘til do or die.
A fraud, a fake, a scam.
You took me for stupid, for granted and the little money I had
and now I’m expected to pick up all the pieces,
But it’s my fault…I guess.
Why
Still, I ask myself why.
As much as I want to let go —
I wonder why.
No closure.
For why you did what you did.
I guess I’m left wondering why.
If you loved me so much
How could you do me so dirty
when all I did was try?
And now I’m left to fill in the blanks.
Why?
Acceptance
I didn’t know until I did
and I refuse to take blame
for what was not my fault.
I know now what I didn’t then
and for that I will do better
to act upon immediately instead of later.
Life is and life isn’t.
To be alive is to experience,
to love, to adventure, to journey!
To simply live day to day —
without a purpose, stagnant —
is not actively living
To continuously live in the past
is to stay in the no more —
a state of nothingness.
Let’s take the moment and make of it ours,
so that we can take the future
and plant the seeds from the flowers
that have been grown for us.
Don’t, for even a second, look behind you
regretfully. Rather know
how far you’ve come along. | ELM
BORN IN AMERICAN, EL MALDONADO WAS RAISED IN A MEXICAN HOUSEHOLD. SHE HOLDS POETRY DEAR TO HER HEART BECAUSE IT ALLOWS HER TO EXPRESS HERSELF FREELY.
