Family is forgiveness. Those we love the most we end up hurting the most, to stick together we must learn to let go. To forgive is to choose to love despite the pain that was caused period to forgive is to practice radical acceptance which was defined by one as giving up all hope of a better past. To forgive your family is to accept them for the flawed human beings they are, who did the best they could by you.
Never again will I say I grew up in a physically abusive household. I'll simply say that's just the way it was in the 1980s. No longer will I blame my academic failures on being homeschooled. Though it might have slowed me down a bit, I'm at the age now where I'm the only one who stands between me and my dreams.
No one has it easy growing up, but we do survive. I see my family struggles. I see the regret, the heartbreak, the loss of faith, and the fear. We lost one of my siblings to life’s attrition. At the age of 26, one of my brothers died in a drunk driving accident and he had been the one drinking. I miss him. I wish he had left kids behind. My grief for him is so intense that sometimes it feels like something between rage and terror. I'm in the process of forgiving him for being so foolish and leaving us all so abruptly. I choose to believe that he is with the angels now.
I am so proud of my family. If I were to tell you about all their exploits and accomplishments, I doubt if you would believe me. They have been incredibly kind to me during my incarceration. They traveled far and wide to visit me in person even when I was housed in a rural prison far away from where anyone lived. They have been so kind and loyal, I wonder if I would be as steadfast in their place.
I have no children, and I am not young. But God has blessed me with nieces and nephews. So there is a next generation to our family, and someone to carry on the family name. I must set a good example for these young ones. I will be that sober uncle who got out of prison, returned to school to get his master’s degree, and had a successful career. Setting a good example by staying clean and sober is the one thing I could have done for my brother who passed away and the one thing I must and will do for my nieces and nephews. I love my big family. I forgive my family. I'm proud of my family. Family is everything. | JS