Grief affects every one of us at one time or another. When a person is incarcerated, especially for the first time, he/she experiences a loss of their own freedom. Then they may experience the loss of friends and family. Add to this the passing of a loved one and the grief can be unbearable. It affects us emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We feel as if we are losing our minds. In some ways, I think we are.
Research has shown that we experience a profound loss, our bodies must process the fact that those things lost are no longer there. We have expectations of how things should be and who will be there when we release. We must come to an understanding that these people are no longer in our lives. The intensity of this is high among those of us who are incarcerated. It can take years for our bodies to make sense of the loss as we try to figure out the continual yearning, while adapting to this new way of life.
In addition to our brains dealing with a change in chemistry, our bodies are reacting, also. There is extensive research that shows grief increases blood pressure and the risk of cardiovascular disease, infections, inflammation, cancer, and other chronic diseases. Close relationships protect us from the stressors of life and when those relationships are gone, we feel exposed and vulnerable to everything life is throwing at us. Our stress hormones increase, and our immune and cardiovascular systems go into overdrive.
In prison, we are encouraged to shut all these emotions away, bottle them up or risk appearing as a victim. It should not be this way; we need to give grieving the space and support it deserves. There needs to be a better way to support grief while one is incarcerated. The counselors are overloaded with the high-risk AICs and the chaplains are overwhelmed with religious services, events, and appointments.
We don’t know how to talk about grief in here and there isn’t anyone to teach us. In addition, we don’t necessarily know how to support each other, our bodies, minds, and spirits. We don’t understand how to be kind or show compassion to ourselves. We may find a book in the library that discusses the five stages of grief theory made famous by psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. However, grief doesn’t progress in a straight line. We don’t respond like, “This is step one, then I get to move on to step two, and so on…”
Grief is cyclical. It comes and goes at random times. Seven and a half years after being incarcerated, I still have moments when not being there for my family is wrenching. My father passed recently, and I regret not being there during his final days. I told him how sorry I was for being in prison and not there. It’s been tough.
This event taught me to care for myself. When the grief comes rushing in I make a date with myself. I learned this from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Date Book (a companion to The Artist’s Way.) I go outside rain, snow, or shine. I walk the track, look out at the farms and the land, the birds, the bees, the trees, the sky, and the clouds. I breathe in the fresh air and take it all in. The gardens around the yard have all sorts of wildlife. I have no judgement when I see all these things. I have none of the constraints or demands that are imposed by being indoors. The work, the people, the gossip and drama are all gone when I am outside. There are no cells, no walls. There is a sense of freedom, and I can breathe.
The time outdoors keeps me mindful of allowing me to anchor myself in all that Mother Nature has to offer. I find solitude and space for contemplation sitting under a tree. The sounds of the wind and birds are restorative. I have things to focus on, other than loss. Getting outside changes my mental state immediately. Then my body feels lighter and unburdened. I don’t wallow in the despair that grief creates. I breathe deeply and allow myself to just “be.”
There is a lot of research regarding the benefits of being in nature, which appears to counteract the impact grief has on our minds and bodies. Time outdoors lowers blood pressure and the production of stress hormones, reduces inflammation, and decreases the risk of cardiovascular disease.
Prisons need to allow more time outdoors for AICs. The benefit outweighs the risks. People will be better able to cope with their situations. They will be less likely to fall victim to their despair. It is a healthy way to tend to grief. The increase in self-awareness which nature provides, helps us grow and deal with life stressors in a more productive and healthy way. Grief needs time. Being outdoors eases the burden and allows us to change our perspective of the world around us. Thus, we learn to help ourselves heal. | SEE
Grief is cyclical, as is nature. Great insight in this essay.