About a month ago ... February 14th to be exact … I was given a bookmark with one word on it - Faith. The individual who gave this to me jokingly said it was my writing prompt as we laughed together because, as she said, this word fits me. Of course, it wasn't necessarily a writing prompt, but it has made me think about this one word off and on.
The first thought that came to mind: “Now faith is the yet to be fulfilled reality of everything for which we confidently hope, the unassailable evidence in conviction of what is not yet visible.” Those who are familiar with the Christian Bible will recognize this as Hebrews 11 :1 (The Newer Testament, B. Young, 2021). Along with faith, hope is vital. This is plainly stated right in the middle of this verse. And, this hope leads me to another verse, one a little older: “For I know the thoughts I have for you,” says Adonay “Thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and hope.” (Yermihayu 29:11).
I sit here thinking about this. I call upon my history — of why I'm here and I wonder, "What future? What Hope? Faith in what?" And, at times, it's hard to answer. I've had to listen to my sister's hurts as she talks about her family problems and frustrations, knowing that I cannot be there to give her a hug or simply sit next to her. This, of course, isn't the first time I haven't been there for her, there's a history of me not being around ... of not being there to help. So, I struggle with this knowledge of who I once was.
Other times, I sit here thinking about this. I call upon conversations, and I believe I see a future and the hope it brings. I see faith as I listen to those in here. Someone who loses a family member and what they're feeling ... another who wants to make amends and hasn't quite figured out how. Yet, another who perceives his life's dreams fulfilled, accomplished, only to believe it now as a lie. In all these, I try to offer something not knowing if I succeeded. So, I struggle with this knowledge of who I am trying to be.
I sit often and think about this. I revisit conservations and believe I see a future, and this hope it supposedly brings ... my future, my hope. I believe I see my faith pulling through. I believe I see my faith pulling through. I believe I have found my path forward only for the bubble (I found myself in) to burst and I am falling again. But, because of my faith ... because of my hope, I pick myself up and I start walking again. I still see my future out there, just beyond reach and yet attainable. So, yes, I do see faith as a word fitting me. I do have faith in the unseen. I may not see my future fully or completely, but I have faith it will be for my good. | AW
