EULOGY FOR MY GRANDFATHER
BY HUGH CROW II
Of the many sentences that swirled within him,
I hope words like regret were replaced with redemption
for his lack was no misfortune.
He cherished giving to children to fix their cleft palates,
give half his money while homeless to keep his heart and balance,
and tithe through deep need with the joyful countenance
for his trust in the Lord was full of praise and reliance.
He lived and breathed with an all-or-nothing attitude,
a cause of trauma and pain that tore at his virtue,
strained relations. Bipolar with depression he tried to dislodge that anchor,
said, I'm happy — no I'm not — why must I fight this anger?
I'm sorry — and truly mean it — this emotion never changes.
Humbled by your forgiveness, my own is a foreign language.
I've journeyed a Trail of Tears, held on to drugs and syringes,
had to battle for my sanity till I broke the lock and hinges.
Finally open minded — my goodness, look at the footage,
my family is full of love, their hearts be full of courage.
I ask again: How can I apply a snow white sheet of forgiveness to myself
when my acts of offense have stained me black as an oil well?
Too ashamed to admit it, son, how I abandoned you and ran,
scared of tears and fear rejection I couldn't voice it man-to-man.
Dear daughters, full of grace, thank you for love and gentle hugs,
I know you've hurt tremendously from youth as little shrubs,
had to witness my affliction, great self-sabotage.
Oh how I have weathered storms and prayed for lasting peace,
enjoyed the giggles of great grandkids and tucked them into their sheets.
Saw so many shine beneath the sun as I studied all in stride,
their glances round at nature knowing curious and alive.
Grant pictures of all your faces I’ll treasure on my way through,
to heaven's gate still praising God so glad I was close to you. | HC