This week, I had the great joy of attending the wedding of my dear friends Kevin & Tom, who have been together for twenty years and recently decided to tie the knot. We celebrated at an elegant long table of friends sitting in their bountiful garden. It occurred to me that this wedding was an extension of the dinners and holidays and birthday we have celebrated together over the years. We have chosen this family and have made our own traditions. In the case of their wedding, we were served abundant wine and pizza and a gorgeous wedding cake covered in fresh flowers. Chosen family in Queer communities extends far beyond celebrations. We have been taught that they provide harbors of love, safety, and support in an often-hostile world. Chosen family ties are fierce. They are loyal. They are for better or for worse. And if you are very lucky, you are offered a chair.
Looking down the table, I thought of Kula Adric’s Family Circles and the writing circles we are building through the Pony. The oldest of our groups, OSP has met for six years with Le’Var Howard and R. Miranda as steadfast members. Partnering with the Lakota Oyate-ki Native Culture Club brought in a brotherhood of new participants. We have formed a web of people who submit from time to time and people who are at the table every week. Long standing workshop members school new arrivals by encouraging them to share what they have written. They instruct them to stand when reading. They remind everyone to stop talking for the ringing of the bell. Things get wild at times, and someone will take charge to shut down cross-talk so everyone can be heard. When Danny and I are unable to attend, the men run the workshop. Together, we have formed a social pact and the guys are dedicated to protecting the circle, and one another. This is how you make a family circle in prison.
This week we are focusing attention on Deer Ridge Correctional Institution in Madras. This is nascent group with a long waiting list of writers who hope to join. The group is still shuffling around a bit and so each visit has new and unexpected surprises. The submissions were slow to arrive at first. We can feel the momentum building … and in that spirit it is an all-Deer Ridge week.
From Thomas Derr I Need Someone:
I need someone to lead me, someone I know won’t cheat
I need someone to trust
‘Cause I don’t trust myself no more —
I can’t keep it straight …
Do I need someone to love, or do I need someone to hate?
From Andrew Morrow Together:
I believe our souls are tethered/ we were supposed to grow old together/ I swear there’s no one better/ you don't have to be alone forever
From OH! Family Values:
What value did these parents leave the world? An older boy that is educated, successful, and selfish, a younger boy abandoned living with no joy, and a girl, beautiful and cultivated that passed from a tumor growing under long, black beautiful curls.
From Richard D Owens Fathers:
Hold fast,
in arms of regret,
with strength,
and retrospect,
hold close,
with warmth of heart
and self-same difference,
am I not your father?
It strikes me that we kinda like to be hitched, yes, even those lone wolves sniffing around the corners. Now, when I say hitched, I’m not just talking marriage. I mean connected, grounded, part of a circle. We want to find those people with whom we wish to share our thoughts, our news, the sadness, and the joy. And if we are very lucky, we get to gather for cake. | TDS
I can feel the momentum building, also! Great pieces.