CEREMONY
BY VISITH TOBY PHANDANOUVONG "BUDDHA"
I profess to ceremony, but why? What is my ceremony for? What does it do? Does it matter so much as I think it does? Does it help anybody, myself included? Or do I inaccurately place value on my habits and practice? Do I need to put value on these things I do to make it important? Is this how I explain the time I spend so that I’m not wasting life? Did I fail again but find a pretty way to wrap it up and make it attractive?
My intent was not this, but is that exactly what I’ve done? I remember some of this from before I complicated it. When moments were what they were. I visit that time in these present moments when I ceremony. I feel in this practice even though it’s not always ideal. Do I get to choose or am I supposed to just accept it? Things are real for me before, during and after, but I feel guilty for it. Times where I feel good, better and fixed, I need to give it to someone or somewhere else.
I want ceremony to help me to atone. I ask ceremony to provide for those I care and concern form. I feel selfish and that I may have muddied ceremony. Can ceremony do to my ego what I need it to do? Is my ceremony enough?
I guess I have to find out. | VTP
These are questions I have asked myself. For me, I can only continue to ask, and seek to be present. Thank you for sharing.